longing to whisper the name on lips
untainted by false conversations
Anika goddess of time abide me
Sora my stormy moon fly to me
No my darling Sakura tree
I know it can never be
longing to whisper the name on lips
untainted by false conversations
Anika goddess of time abide me
Sora my stormy moon fly to me
No my darling Sakura tree
I know it can never be
Pondering Life's Big Questions
Enjoying Life in the Ozarks
"Virginia's Most Trusted Satirical News Source"
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How are you?
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I am not scolding you. I was updating everyone. I will read all these in the morning ok. But dont take so hard promise not a scolding of any sort I owe all my followers an update and perhaps more regular posting,
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Fallstar are you ok?
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no between lines just direct I promise.
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Weeks turned to months and months to years. But I still feel everything has happened just few days back.
I feel every note is written for me. Everything is trying to tell me something.
I ran away from everything. I left everything, I tried to keep myself busy and occupied, but…
How many more months or years like this?
Now I am even scared to ask you “how are you?”
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Everything I wrote is just gone…
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Surprising. I see a story which is like exactly he is telling or explaining everything infront of me. How is it possible?
I am a simple lady (may be more stupid), Somehow I feel the messages I am receiving through various media are for me from him. I must be wrong again and I am sure it’s just my illusion. He cannot exist everywhere. It’s not possible for him to be visible everywhere…I tell this to myself thousand times a day.
But whatever I have experienced about him is something not normal. I have always experienced him with me, evey moment, in every breath of me. And he will always be there with me. Nobody can take it away from me.
I always wanted him to be happy. He achieves and gets the best from everything. He deserves it, the best out of everything. The best Aniya, his soulmate. Whom he will admire, for whom his eyes will sparkle and who can fulfill all his wishes. That will always be my wish for him. He should never be affected because of me. I will never be in his way.
However, anytime, he wants to talk to me (if he wants), he can do it. Without any hesitation, I will be there for him, always…I am sure it will never be required as he will have his Aniya with him.
Onetime I wish to see him without walls…
Dear Admin, This all may sound stupid to you. I am just polluting your site. Why am I writing all this here? may be from the beginning, believed this is the gateway for me to talk to him. I know it sounds very stupid and silly. Probably one of the illusions I have built inside me.
Please bare with me and delete it. Thanks in advance.
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I have been reading so much these days, and wondering did I end up hurting you?
Trust me I never meant to hurt you. My intentions were to keep you away from the hurt.
Why all of sudden I am talking about it and writing?
I don’t know, offlate I am getting these suggestions on relationships and love. Don’t know how but it’s happening. I started reading them. Then suddenly I started thinking. Did I do something like this to him?
I used to be away from here because I thought you don’t like me to be here.
The very important thing, I was always confused and wondering that, is it him or somebody else? My head said one thing but heart always refused to except it.
It was nothing to do with ego or any other thing. It’s just that I was not sure I am the right person for you. I didn’t want you to waste your time on me and face the consequences.
I loved you with full heart but I didn’t know how to show it to you. I always thought if I drag you in this then how will I help you. Then it would be difficult for you. Because memories last for life long. You deserved better lady than me. I know how I feel in your love, how I cry everyday for you. I didn’t want the same thing for you. I am prepared to live with that pain. But I wanted to save you from that pain.
With all the uncertainties in me, how can I promise anything? moreover I didn’t know for sure with whom I am talking to. Many times I thought of telling it to somebody in my family. But what would I say?
Initially I thought it’s not love it’s just some attraction. I will forget you over a period of time. But it didn’t happen. Instead I started feeling more about it. Then finally one day I came across this site. Then I realized it’s not only me who is under going this pain but it’s happening to you also. Then I realized may be this is what is LOVE. After that whatever happened you know. I got stuck with you in the memory. I don’t know how to come out of this. Probably I don’t want to. I keep reading your poems everyday and feel you.
I am sorry, if I have hurt you in this process. I didn’t play any game. I didn’t think anything wrong about you. But I just loved you so much that I didn’t know what to do.
I don’t have answer for why I am telling you all this. I just want you to know that I really loved you and told you the facts. I don’t know how they sound to you. But mine are always straight forward. Please don’t try to find a different meaning for them.
I know I can’t live without you, but I don’t know what to do? how it’s possible? I don’t have any answer. I am afraid your life will be ruined with me. Why should you unnesserily undergo all the problems?
I am writing this because I don’t want you to have bad feeling about me. Because this will affect your future relationships. You will lose trust on girls. Never lose the faith. Whatever you do listening to your inner voice is always right. Trust yourself. May be sometime we feel wrong is happening to us, but actually it’s just our view. We always forget to think from others prospective. So please don’t think you were cheated or used. It’s just that I was not capable for doing enough. There was nothing wrong in the love we have. But situation and fate we cannot control. Ofcourse these are not excuses but the facts of life…
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I always thought why I never get angry on you? There are some things which I don’t tolerate. But with you, I didn’t get angry not even once. why?
But today I need to look back and do that postmortem. And see who did what? who used whom? who cheated whom? who lied to whom?
I no need to say it again and again that you made me to cry (you know why). Which I have never done for anybody in my life. I didn’t have answer for anything that happened to me till I started reading your poems. Only then I realized that you are also facing the same problem like me, all those unexplainable feelings were because of your love. You know what happened after that.
I never thought you could love me. I always thought you hated me. But unfortunately I never had that privilege to enjoy your LOVE. I was always on a delimma that whom I am talking to? You always kept me in dark.
The truth is you always wanted to play safe. You always wanted a safe exit. You never thought how it will affect me. You always wanted me to take actions based on that delimma. How could I do that? You know at some point I started convincing myself that It’s not you, I have just mistaken. I want you to think. Was it really only my problem?
You seriously think I don’t respect you or treat you like shit? Even so many years of my love couldn’t give you that answer? How you thought I don’t crave for you? I don’t have any desires? You will remain part of me forever. You were enough for me without doing all this. Without seeing and talking to each other we loved so much and you think the other way. I girl who will have you will be the luckiest one.
Now, why can’t I just leave everything and fly to you? And prove my love to you? you really think it’s so easy? I know you want me to be with you. It’s your right. You deserve every happiness. But how it’s possible? I don’t know how it’s going to happen? how this society is going to accept it? Have you thought the humiliation you have to undergo? And don’t you want to have the happiness of your own kids? Have you ever seen any mother body, how many scars it has? What will you do, in the future, if you feel you missed all that because of me? This world is too cruel, it will not allow us to live peacefully. My battle and sufferings are unavoidable. But you don’t deserve them. Currently, my life is like a Jurassic Park. Everyday I have a new challenges. Everyday is a new adventure…
Honestly, you don’t deserve all of those problems. You definitely deserve better partner than me. Who is fresh and can fulfill all your wishes without any hesitation and problems.
Remember, I am not a COWARD nor giving any excuses. I never played any games nor I lied to you. But there are some cursed and unlucky girls in this world. I am one of them. I will live…. I am pushing you away but I don’t know how I am going to live after that. Luckily, I have your poems with me, as a support system. They will keep me connected with you. I will live with them in my own world.
Do know that my love for you is true. Never doubt it.
Never look back, don’t reply to my messages, otherwise I will not be able to live without you. I CAN’T LIVE…Our hearts beat together and probably one day will stop together.
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Please delete my comments. Thanks.
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throwing stones at each other, is the ugliest part of any relationship. The scars remain for life long. I don’t want to have such scars in this relationship. I want to remember the good parts only and cherish them forever.
I am tiered of you talking to me like this. Sometime I feel may be if you had told me directly the things would have been different. I would have dared to talk to somebody about it. But no, I was always treated like a fool. I was left floating in the illusion. No, I don’t need such illusions anymore. None of these things prove that you loved me at least for a moment. Probably it was just a game for you, nothing more than that.
I am sorry. But I don’t have anybody in my life other than you. Why you feel you are the second best, I don’t know.
Whatever you think and whatever you tell me I will always be there for you Damien. I will always be there in your happy and sad moments. Have you ever noticed, we experience each other without even having to tell anything or seeing anything. I don’t know how to tell it. I don’t want to prove anything, because it will only give us the scars. Please don’t do it.
I love you.
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I wanted to tell you this from many months. Have you ever looked at what strengths you have got? reaching me like this is not something easy. This is something which is impossible to do. You have proved that you can go that extra mile already. This is only possible because you never gave up. And you don’t even want to take the credit for it. In fact, I am confused what you want? because if you wanted me only, then you would have come in front of me. I was just a message away for you. But you never did it. What do I need to assume?
If only you were with me we would have fought the whole world.
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you have started to scare me again. What am I doing? I will go mad like this. I am not going to write again. Whatever you want to assume it’s fine. But I will not write anything now onwards.
I will visit you every morning and night. But I will not write anything.
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oopss…so much emotional drama. You are acting like a spoiled kid. But you will not get anything till I see you. Such emotional blackmails don’t work 🙂
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I forgot to tell you. Thanks for such a nice compliment. Thank you so much.
Good Night!
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please delete all the comments.
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You always put me in trouble. Cinderella always wants her prince charming to take her. But she is afraid it shouldn’t remain only as fairytale.
You know my situation. How can I promise you anything. That’s the reason I wanted you to find a girl for you. You cannot wait endlessly. How long you will keep waiting like this? why you love me so much? what is there in me Damien? Do you even realize how many hurdles we have to cross to become one? I forcefully kept myself away from here, so that you stop thinking about me. But it didn’t work, neither for you nor for me. Our hearts fell in more deeper love. You found another way to reach me. How did you do this? why fate brings us again and again in front of each other?
Do you really think we can be one? will the dream come true? how it is going to happen? Take me with you. Unfortunatly none of us know the magic here, so that we can covert other person and take them with us.
Agree now I am alone, the situation is different. But it’s not easy Damien. Only me agreeing doesn’t mean anything. Everything doesn’t depend only on my decision. I don’t know how to explain it to you. This is not an excuse. I am showing you the reality. I am not in a western country. Here everybody needs to agree for our relation. You think we can make it possible?
I feel more painful than you, seeing you trying so hard without giving up. What will happen by chance if we cannot become one. Please don’t love me so much. Please look ahead of you. Look at your friends, they are living happily with their kids. Don’t you miss all that? Damien open your eyes and see around, there so many girls who are much much more better than me. If we cannot become one then what you will do? stay like this alone forever? the years you are losing, you will not get back. Please think…
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Now please don’t say that I have pity on you. Don’t start thinking in a different tangent. First we need to accept that we both love each other without any guilt or any pity. It’s
just a LOVE which we fell in without our knowledge.
Then what next?? Most of all you need to come in front of me, from behind the wall. We need to confirm that we are really in love. Please remember we are not doing any trading here. Our fate bringing us again and again together could be for a reason. I know it’s your hard work, but everything was not so easy. But it happened.
Frankly speaking, I don’t feel like having anybody in my life now. I lost trust on such relationships.
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I Love you till the end of my life is not a lie. I am not planning to have anybody else in your place. So I didn’t lie about it. Where is the question of ego here??
Regarding fighting for you, before reading this read my previous message.
Yes, now there is a hope that we may win this battle. But are you ready for this damien?
There are 2 things in this relation. First do we really love each other?
If yes, what next?
Before moving on this path “you need to come in front of me” Can you do that? Nothing will happen till you come in front of me.
Don’t react to anything in anger, please understand there is no ego, no pity, no insult, no this and that…
Remember, I don’t have any intention of part time or time pass or temporary. I can’t even think about such things.
There are 2 main steps…think coolly about it.
We will move to step 2 only if we are comfortable in accepting each other love. Otherwise we will remain as best friends.
I want you to understand that the step 2 will be very unpredictable. Because it will not be only between you and me.
Please never say I lied. If you have doubts, please remember from the beginning we always had confusions or misunderstandings. So please think…
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I am speechless. So much confidence on me Damien. You tell me that I don’t think about myself, but what about you? you are also not thinking about yourself? are you showing pity on me? Please think again and again carefully what you are losing. Can I give you all that happyness?
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