General Update Video 2019

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Fighting to Live

Curse the daylight which illuminates
The dark recesses of my mind.
How I long for eternal rest!
My soul unable to escape my self-hate.

Who can stand a man of such despair?
To end the joke that is my life
Would be the most pertinent thing to do!
Close my eyes and die! It’s only fair!

Yet here I am living, as I must!
Fighting the demons plaguing my existence.
Ever lingering, they drown me!
Who is there? Is there a love I can trust?

Yesterday was International Transgender Day of visibility. I posted on my personal facebook about it but nothing on the blog. This poem and another I am working on addresses the emotions I have gone through as I have transitioned. The suicide rate for trans people is much higher than the general population and I am no stranger to the desire to die yet here I am ALIVE! Many never make it so not only do I wish to present myself as a visible trans person I wish to remember those who have passed either from suicide or murdered. Let us celebrate, let us grieve and let us live and love just as everyone else.

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Transform (2011)

By Damien Knight

I remind myself what I feel
The ever turning wheel
Tells me how cruel life is
This body lies, it is remiss
I’ve painted myself a mask
To avoid the important task
Of acknowledging my fate
I can’t be me it’s too late
Still I must or I’d rather die
This mask I wear a broken lie
My dream is to transform
Become the man I always known

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We Won’t Be Erased

By Damien Knight

I’m tired! Say my name! Say my name!
I’m tired! But I’m here to stay!
I will fight! I’m proud, got no shame!
I will fight! I won’t be forced away!
You can try to say we don’t exist.
I will shout, scream, and stomp!
Bigotry in the office? Yell “Resist!”
Trump promised to drain the fucking swamp!
Instead he caged children, seperated families!
He attempted travel and military bans!
Now this plague threatens to erase me!
Your voice is your weapon! Take a stand!
We do not cease at your command!
We fight! Tired, angry and unphazed!
You can kill us, our fury rises across the land
For we are here and we won’t be erased!

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Quick Update

By Damien Knight

Trump memo leak about the planned erasure of trangender people by redefining gender has had me feeling depressed. I admit I am feeling it is better to end my life than exist in a society that can erase and murder me. I will not do this. I will fight back!

I went to my doctor yesterday and am now back on Adderall for my ADHD. I am also taking synthroid for my thyroid. I will be calling my endo and start back on testosterone. I won’t let this administration define me.

I am me! I am Male! #wontbeerased

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Rage

By Damien Knight

Forget the anger the pain the tears
The hated stare of my eyes in the mirror
Empty cold basket of despair
My burden alone to bare

I am tired of the echoing in my head
It used to be so much I’d wish myself dead
Now I just wish it were silent
These thoughts left unsaid

I can’t cry due to blinding rage
I am trapped in my body, this infernal cage
I peck at the bars and crow
But outsiders laugh as if it were stage

My life is not your amusement
I am not just a character for torment
I too am a man
With feelings I lament

 

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Everyday Trans-man: Personalities Of Dysphoria

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Hi I am Damien Skye Knight Aka Raven/ Koraki. This is Comic 3 of Everyday Trans-Man

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Dysphoria has become this dirty word in the trans community. This is the face of my dysphoria.

 

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