False Faces – The Mirror

I love the pain, the raging self hate
It burns like anger, the scratches
Along this face, screaming in the mirror
I love the pain, I cry as I tear
At my hair, pound fists to glass
When will I feel sane
Love who I am again
I stab the skin, claw the strange flesh
Wash this face that I can’t replace
Scream, who is she, staring back at me
I love the pain, the agony
The misery of the man
I will never truly be
When will I see myself reflected back at me?

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The Troubled Skies

Lady of the lands of mist
Who walks my dreams of shadowed bliss
My worry on your waking days
Tell me, don’t avert my gaze
I know the maiden of uncertain fate
Has no desire my hand to take
Yet My growing worry touches the sky
That the lord raven, Sora, cannot dare fly
Alas, this troubled bird, asks the divines
Let you carve your own destiny, take you your time
Rise, the dragons flame, inside your soul
Freedom, it is mans ultimate goal

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What is Reality?

Be still my beating heart
As you lean against my chest
How your ivory face is carved
And I delight in your delicate art

The curve of your structure
As you gaze admiringly at me
Can I deny the constant heart beat
A man so steady you make so unsure

Stay with me forever, mine to protect
I say this only to wake once more
Alone without your comfort I sigh
A reality without you is one I reject

So while I wait and write these words
I will see you there in my dreams
String my fingers through your curls
And hope some how my love is heard

Fighting to Live

Curse the daylight which illuminates
The dark recesses of my mind.
How I long for eternal rest!
My soul unable to escape my self-hate.

Who can stand a man of such despair?
To end the joke that is my life
Would be the most pertinent thing to do!
Close my eyes and die! It’s only fair!

Yet here I am living, as I must!
Fighting the demons plaguing my existence.
Ever lingering, they drown me!
Who is there? Is there a love I can trust?

Yesterday was International Transgender Day of visibility. I posted on my personal facebook about it but nothing on the blog. This poem and another I am working on addresses the emotions I have gone through as I have transitioned. The suicide rate for trans people is much higher than the general population and I am no stranger to the desire to die yet here I am ALIVE! Many never make it so not only do I wish to present myself as a visible trans person I wish to remember those who have passed either from suicide or murdered. Let us celebrate, let us grieve and let us live and love just as everyone else.

Want to help with transition costs? Donate here : The Shadow’s Journey

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Darling don’t Worry

Babe don’t worry
Love don’t you dare cry
I’m here waiting
On the other side
And when I find you
Darling, I’ll be there
Forever yours so true
I’ll stay at your side
The pain I know
Fills your soul
But baby don’t worry
you’ll be my angel
I’ll be your king
If you want me to
I’m here darling
Waiting forever for you

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If I said how I loved you,
You would still doubt me
To you, I am merely the Prince of lies
I am the deceiver, whispered phrases
Consume the darkness
Yet you question me over
And I fill with despair
How can I be worthy of you
When you believe I’m untrue?
My beloved lady here I wait
Devoted, please believe me
My love is yours every day

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