Cry Out-Dying

Feel trapped, mourning the dream,
Cut to pieces nothing left to see.
How do you bleed when vein dry?
A empty world filled with icy lies,
I can’t fight when others rather I die.
Every turn I’m wicked, narcissist,
Or I’m hated, othered, unwanted.
I file away the pain, slots of mind,
Empty, cold, no empathy to find.
Makes me worthless, no place for me.
Wake me from this misery,
This corpse tires as king of agony.
When will this damn curse lift,
Where is the supposes gift.
That life is suppose to be
Denied, rejected, forced to mask.
Hide dysphoria, depression, desire to die.
Hide my rage, my existence, wake alone.
I am done fighting on my own.
Please, crying out, desperate not to die.
Save me, I’m drowning in this sea!
Help so I can be who I see inside!

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Consumed

I shudder when she holds me
Ache when I hear my name
Moaned as a prayer
She whispers her love
Dark embracing my soul
Melting away until I am not me

Distance (8/16/18)

I spent all this time
Barely acknowledging my beloved…
Why then does the distance
Bother me so much.
Why am I now realising?
Why can’t I say my full heart?
Why do I hold back?
I can’t take back years lost
I can’t rid myself the guilt.

Lady of Shadow’s,
Queen of dreams,
You invade my thoughts,
I keep looking for you.
I keep wanting to hold you to me.
I let you go believing
This was the right thing.
That I am your misery.

Allowed venomous thoughts to plague me.
I said before Lady of Shadows, Directly,
I know I have appologized profusely.
I wish to be with you everyday
for the this life, eternity.
I will love you even into the next life.

I am such who dedicates his soul to love
I’m willing to commit…
That discussion lady of dreams
Is for you and I alone
At another time another place
For now my heart is yours to own

To Cry

Cry for life, for release
To mourn lost hope
Cry to save the soul
From buried pains
Cry to escape
The wretched wastes of mind
Cry to renew and find
Yourself in brighter days
Cry to remember or cry to forget
To erase or to dwell
Cry for all these of for nothing
Other than to cry
Crying can feel horrid
In it’s delightful release
So, cry, just cry

Slayed Poetry

I have lost my sense of poetry,
My muse dashed the hopes I’d held.
I have healed some of the hurt
I allowed myself to be so exposed.
I let them rush in fast at me.
Talking every minute, every day
With someone for as long as I had.
I lost some of myself with them.
I took on a role too, I was king
Mr. In charge and she said yes sir
That’s how it went, heaven forbid
I fail to be in charge or fallible.
Each mistake I lost their respect
Ultimately lost them, though granted
With all women I have dated
It was I who ended it.

Being without her was hard.
It was being without the tides
but it made me think on things
On the uselessness of romanticism.
Aniya no doubt feels my wall.
The hesitancy I have in every step.
I love myself, that could be enough
but her love meant everything.
I have lost my muse.
No flowery poems of devotion
Flowing from my pen.
Words to be thrown away so easily?
How I envy simplicity
Almost wish I wasn’t an author,
A poet now.
Does she even care that I can’t