So I am sure you may have noticed that I missed last months Motivational Monday Post. If not, well now you know I had. While I was eager and ready to write I could not, due to my laptop being in the shop.
Today’s quick unofficial motivation is to remember radical acceptance of yourself, but also to radically accept others around you. We all think differently, but we all are human. My official Monday Motivation will be on handling emotions and hopefully posted by next Monday.
“You can do anything you set your mind to.” You may have heard this phrase in some variation throughout your life. It’s that “go get’em tiger, you got this,” quintessential positive attitude that permeates American culture. (I cannot speak for outside the U.S.) This sentiment might seem like a positive message, in reality it keeps you producing while hoping to attain unreachable goals.
Normally I write motivational pieces for Motivation Monday, but this month I decided we need to talk about internalized ableism. I will preface this with the fact that I am disabled. I am an autistic male who also has pots and is epileptic. I walk with a cane on most days. I also am asthmatic and ADHD. These are all disabilities. This topic is important, not just because it applies to me though, many of you will know someone who is disabled. Let’s begin.
What is radical acceptance? The other day one of my best friends said in a chat group, “People really need to learn to radically accept their disabilities.” This prompted another person to say something about not having heard of it, which confused us because our whole chat was a bunch of people who radically accepted they were disabled. Some of us were doing so, it seems, with no idea what the word for it was.
For me, failure was always hard to accept. With NPD, nothing less than being seen as perfect was ok. The problem was nothing I did felt like success. I often felt my failures made me a bad person. That my many mistakes meant I could never succeed and then I had to remind myself of my favourite childhood quote from Paul “Bear” Bryant:
“When you make a mistake, there are only three things you should ever do about it:
1. Admit it.
2. Learn from it, and
3. Don’t repeat it.”
Mistakes didn’t mean I was bad, just that I should learn from them. It was ok not to know things; it was ok to have failure. Failure and mistakes are part of learning. It is part of the experience. As Adam Savage said, “Failure is always an option.” Being able to accept this option though took me some work.
I had to reframe my failure as a success. That each time I made a mistake, I really was on track to succeed. My failures aren’t failures, really. When I messed up, I simply just made another step to success.
Striving to be perfect does not bring the admiration I desire. Being able to fail with grace, to be successful and admit my failings is not a bad thing. I do not think my mistakes make me a failure or a bad person. When I mess up, I learn from that and move on. It is ok to make mistakes.
Failure is an option. Your mistakes are steps to success. They are not dark marks that make you a bad person. Learn from them, use them to grow and keep on staying motivated.
In life we all are taking “The Path.” It might not be the same path, but we are on the path of life. When we walk this path together, we must remember to embrace those we love and not force our way down the path. Forcing instead of walking the path leaves us hampered spiritually. We become bitter, controlling we lose our flow.
By Damien Knight
Love has a funny way of making us behave in ways we don’t normally do. We text all night, we write poetry, serenade, or in general smother our lovers with gifts. All wonderful things. In todays fast pace world of facebook and texting sometimes we forget those we love. Ghosting, which is cowardly and heartbreaking, occurs. It’s not always because you no longer love the person. Some people are procrastinators. “I’ll talk to them tomorrow.” Or maybe you had a tragic event in your life. “I have to deal with this.” A few seconds out of your day, make time hold on to those you love. Say hello to old friends. Keep in touch with your lover/lovers. Never be to busy for love.
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What time did you get up this morning? 11 maybe noon? It’s summer after all right why get up at 5:30? You can just stay up until midnight anyway, or maybe you think you can just get up earlier tomorrow. There are 86400 seconds in a day, are you maximizing that? Ben Franklin Said early to bed early to rise.
This week I begin working on time management and will update on how it is going. Stay Motivated!
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Today’s motivation is ‘forgive yourself’ and accept mistakes in others. I have already talked about how we have to “Shed Your Past”. Today I want to talk about one way we do that. We do this through forgiveness, not just of others but yourself. We are our hardest critics, sometimes we can’t help blame ourselves for things we couldn’t control. Or maybe we could but now it’s too late to change it.
What do you do if you can’t forgive yourself? Wallow? Last month was yet another anniversary to the death of my beloved Misty. She was murdered April 2005. For years I beat myself up over her. If I asked her to stay would she be alive? The truth is, it is something I cannot change and I will never know. All I can do is forgive myself. I can’t control it nor can I change it. If I did something to another person and it causes me guilt the only action I have available now is apology. If they accept it great if not I still need to move on and forgive myself.
The last part is forgetting other’s wrongs. We never truly forgive and forget with other people as humans our memories make a large part of our identity. To forgive ourselves and others though we have to accept mistakes that are made and do so with grace. This is hard when the other party refuses to acknowledge wrongdoing, abuse, or suffering caused to you. Ask yourself does holding on to that anger and resentment help you heal? The answer is no. Let go and accept what has happened in this way you forgive them and move forward on your journey to forgive yourself.
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A lot of us are focused on our first week of New Year’s resolutions. The thing we often forget while working for goals is that we must live at the moment. Take advantage of the new day! Tomorrow’s worry is for tomorrow.
Goals must be taken in steps. One of my main goals to lose weight for surgery can’t be done by rushing. Worrying about tomorrow won’t get me done with today. Today I must make sure I eat right and exercise. Each new day is a blank slate to work on our goals. Embrace that new day!
Stay Motivated Friends.
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