New Year’s Resolutions

By Jayson Knapp

1. Learn to spell and write better.
2. Increase vocabulary.
3. Face my fear of heights.
4. beat Alduin in Skyrim.
5. Get over my fear of spiders.
6. Play Block Story.
7. Finish the Plague
8. Read all the books in home.
9. Learn a language
10. Learn to cook

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Life With Chronic Pain

By Damien Knight

For the past 11 years I been struggling with a list of unusual symptoms. It started soon after my son was born, back pain, numb legs, leg cramping, hip and joints burning. As the years went it has gotten worse. It’s hard on me because as a geology major who wants to work in the field having to walk with a cane bites.

My legs go numb, my skin burns. I always hated being touched. It hurts to be touched. What hurts worse is wanting to hug my kids and the pain is so bad I can’t. I don’t know what’s wrong with my body. We have done test after test. There is no reason my legs are falling asleep and then burning like fire. They found nothing wrong with my back and hips. I started taking Aleve daily which helps dull the pain but not erase it.

Today I stand. Today I walk. Today I hurt. I will push for tomorrow. We will figure this out. In the meantime I remain strong and hopeful.

Kanosis’ Endless Sea

By Damien Knight

Panic darkness isolation
Nothing but lost infatuations
Drifting seas empty boats
Faceless man just a ghost
Of what I am to be
Blindly drifting this empty sea
Voiceless hopeless waiting for her
Living dead murderer
Trying waiting dying motion
Swaying changing notions
Life death left right
Losing my endless fight
Against myself inside my head
Giving up I’ve been read
She knows but hides
I also know but I lied

Childbirth

By Damien Knight

I turn and break
From my chains
My bounds that contain
Me to the surface
I am ready to exist
I push against walls
Feeling enthralled
As the walls push back
I move my body lower
I see a light ahead
This moment of joy and dread
Comes at me fast
And I am ready to be
This new life becomes me
And I am part of the birth

Sneak- The Dragonborn’s pet Raccoon

By Damien Knight 

I absolutely love raccoons, I  dont know why I just do. I play videogames a lot and my favourite is Skyrim. While playing my kids always hand me my stuffed raccoon. His name is Sneak. The kids say he’s a good luck charm. Helps me with all my sneaking for theives guild quest. 

Kids are great. They come up with the best stuff. The dragonborn only needs a raccoon.

Climbing The Mountain

By Damien Knight

I spent years fighting the inner demons. Everyone fights their shadows, eventually I embraced mine. In the end, I had no choice. I could hate who I had become or forgive myself. I forgave. What was I guilty of? Being myself, certainly not.

Forgive yourself, it is an important step to take, forgive yourself and you take off the weight you carry. The burden that prevents you from climbing Everest is lifted. My demons were my self-image, I would scrape at my face in tears. My burden was my dysphoria and like an elephant on my back I tried to climb with this on me. I tried to lie to myself about my happiness. I was a poor liar, and such burdens make success impossible.

We can do anything we set our minds too. I know I can be a better man a stronger man. I know I won’t have to struggle with the suffering of my youth and I do not look back into the shadow of my past. Forgive yourself, that is the first step. Be true to your being is the second, and the third is make your dreams possible. Believe and act. And that is what I am doing. I believe I can do this. I can raise money for surgery, I will have the family farm, and we will keep traveling.

Keep believing, forgive, and be true. Without that first step you cannot climb the mountain.

You can help me take steps in my transition Journey here: The Shadow’s Journey