Journal Seven: Cursed So Done!

Written in 2006 By Damien Knight

My narrative is cursed! I lost the disk file 5 times and the USB file once. I love to write but writing the same paper 50 times is too much! That is all I can say!

Thoughts on this journal.

Seriously I remember this. USBS had just came out. This incident was the final straw and why I dropped English 100. I was tired of the teacher talking about how she hated to write. I was pissed she added a question on the test involving a football teams score in the game the night before. But after explaining that my floppy disk got a virus she still wouldn’t accept my narrative because it was late. I walked out of class and dropped it. I took the course at a community college later and passed. A TA should never teach a course like that.

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Journal 1: Thoughts on The Gap Year First Learning and Then College

 

Written in 2006 By Damien Knight

I remember my senior year. It was good but a tough year. The thought of college after was daunting. Unlike the girl in this essay I could not wait a year.

I am so glad I didn’t wait. I may not return next year because I am getting married. Then again, I might just come back. If it wasn’t for Western Kentucky University, I wouldn’t have had Aaron for my own.
Current thoughts on this old journal piece.

Do you ever like dig through your old things and find you owned one of those ridiculous pink locked journals? This might relate only to my female readers but, reading this made me feel like I stumbled on a teenage girl’s diary. To think I turned that in as a college writing assignment. OMG!

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Life With Chronic Pain

By Damien Knight

For the past 11 years I been struggling with a list of unusual symptoms. It started soon after my son was born, back pain, numb legs, leg cramping, hip and joints burning. As the years went it has gotten worse. It’s hard on me because as a geology major who wants to work in the field having to walk with a cane bites.

My legs go numb, my skin burns. I always hated being touched. It hurts to be touched. What hurts worse is wanting to hug my kids and the pain is so bad I can’t. I don’t know what’s wrong with my body. We have done test after test. There is no reason my legs are falling asleep and then burning like fire. They found nothing wrong with my back and hips. I started taking Aleve daily which helps dull the pain but not erase it.

Today I stand. Today I walk. Today I hurt. I will push for tomorrow. We will figure this out. In the meantime I remain strong and hopeful.

Rekindled: An Aldaria Journal

By Damien Knight

Ayana walked through the shopping mall. It had been weeks since her and Koraki spoke. The argument was over a simple cup of coffee but Ayana had built rage and stored it. She left distancing herself from him and her hand maiden, Sallandra.

Ayana wondered if Koraki was with another woman now? Her stomach turned. The idea of someone else in his arms made her sick with jealousy but she didn’t dare tell him these thoughts.

Ayana wandered into a store that carried dark clothes and odd jewelry. She glanced at a red and black corset dress. Maybe this would keep her mind off him. She then heard a cashier talk to another costumer.

“Can I help you today?”

Ayana panicked when a familiar baritone replied. Why was he here? He pointed to tongue rings in the case.

“Oh.Yes, I would like the purple ones there please.” He said, “And the black brow ring too.”

“Let me get those out for you.” She answered.

The cashier went to get the key to unlock it. Ayana hid in the clearance area her heart pounding. She wasn’t sure she was ready to confront Koraki yet. She wasn’t sure she could look him in the eye. A brow ring, she thought, He pierced his brow? She wanted to see if it looked good, to touch it. Just then the voice interrupted her thoughts.

“I know you are there Ayana,” He said.

Ayana stepped out and gave a shy wave. Koraki smiled as the lady unlocked the case and retrieved the jewelry. Koraki pointed to his brow.

“Come, take a look at what I did,” He laughed.

“Did it hurt Koraki?” She whispered.

Ayana crept closer and placed a finger on it. Koraki’s behavior perplexed her. He acted like nothing was wrong. How did he forgive so easy?

“Yeah, a bit. I mean they shoved a needle in my eye. I missed you, Princess. What you been up too?”

Ayana followed him as he went to the cash register to pay.

“Watching the kids, shopping, talking to Mum.”

Koraki nodded, then turned to look at her. His blue eyes warmed to her. Without saying a thing, he hugged her and let go.

“That’s fantastic! Seems like things are going good then for you?” He grinned.

“No, No Koraki they aren’t.” She blurted, “I don’t want to be alone to be without you.”

“You left on your own and whenever you feel ready, I am always there for you. Now come if you choose I am going to the food court for a bite to eat.”

Ayana nodded and followed. He was so confident she had no idea that as he spoke he doubted that she would come back to him. She didn’t know how much he missed her. Koraki sat down and she sat next to him.

“So um, yeah I am not really good at this but Ayana…” He trailed.

“Yes.”

“Sura, I,” He blushed, “I would like to ask you out on a date. What do you think?”

Koraki had brushed her hair from her face. Ayana gazed back confused, he even called her Sura.

“What is a date? I Have never heard of this. What do you do on dates?”

“Well when a guy likes a girl, he’s supposed to ask her out. Like, take her to movie or go to dinner. Um, I never was good at that though, asking a girl. Guess I don’t like hearing no. But I will take the chance with you. I love you.”

“A movie sounds nice. I would love to see the next “Harry Potter” movie. Do you want to see it?”

He nodded, “Actually I wanted to see the new Pirates movie. Want to go this Friday?”

Ayana squealed in surprise at this and threw her arms around him.

“Yes, oh Yes! I can’t wait.”

“Perfect so see you Friday then? You know you can call me anytime you want right?”

Ayana’s face dropped and an air of seriousness filled them. She lowered her head and spoke with soft hesitance.

“Koraki, should we stay um separate then for a while?”

“Oh, living arrangements. Um, yes prolly. We have smothered each other, Ayana. I apologize for expecting too much of you. Now,” He stood up, “Give me a hug.”

Ayana hugged him tight and she looked up into his eyes. Koraki smiled, a grin so evil, so corrupted, and yet that jagged gleam brought her comfort. He pulled her in and she kissed those dark lips. He had forgiven her and still loved her. They could make this right, she could be his again.

“I love you, Koraki,” She whispered.

“I know.”

Koraki vanished from her arms. Ayana’s heart pounded as her the emptiness once more filling her. No, she had to think positive. She was still his after all.

A Troubled Romance : An Aldaria Journal

By Damien Knight

Ayana woke in the morning to make a pot of coffee. She slammed the pot into the coffee maker. Her brow furrowed, things between her and Koraki had become strained. She sighed. She loved Koraki but she couldn’t take the pressure anymore. She turned on the radio and a Lady Gaga song just cut off and the radio announcer spoke. He gave the daily traffic report. His voice drowned in her own thoughts.

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Climbing The Mountain

By Damien Knight

I spent years fighting the inner demons. Everyone fights their shadows, eventually I embraced mine. In the end, I had no choice. I could hate who I had become or forgive myself. I forgave. What was I guilty of? Being myself, certainly not.

Forgive yourself, it is an important step to take, forgive yourself and you take off the weight you carry. The burden that prevents you from climbing Everest is lifted. My demons were my self-image, I would scrape at my face in tears. My burden was my dysphoria and like an elephant on my back I tried to climb with this on me. I tried to lie to myself about my happiness. I was a poor liar, and such burdens make success impossible.

We can do anything we set our minds too. I know I can be a better man a stronger man. I know I won’t have to struggle with the suffering of my youth and I do not look back into the shadow of my past. Forgive yourself, that is the first step. Be true to your being is the second, and the third is make your dreams possible. Believe and act. And that is what I am doing. I believe I can do this. I can raise money for surgery, I will have the family farm, and we will keep traveling.

Keep believing, forgive, and be true. Without that first step you cannot climb the mountain.

You can help me take steps in my transition Journey here: The Shadow’s Journey

The Honeymoon: Kimeko’s Plight Begins

An Aldaria Journal

Written By: Damien Knight

Koraki’s wedding had its share of problems. There was the political uprising , death of two of his guards and the assassination suspicions it rose in the Queen Esmir. He was at his wits end, but it wouldn’t be Aldaria if things went to plan.

Koraki sat up in his bed, a cigarette pursed in his lips, his wife dead asleep. Her light snores were all he could hear. It was their wedding night and it started off like any normal persons wedding night. This thought made him smirk, his dark teeth exposed just enough to glint off the moonlight entering the window. He stood up. It was time to leave his bride as he had work to do.

Like a mist, he drifted out of the palace, undetected by his men. He knew he should have stayed, but he was restless and something or someone called to him. He wandered the wind just floating from shadow to shadow. He landed, and crept through the brush. As soon as he did a rush of sound surrounded him. He smelt sweet perfume on the wind, his stomach turned at the familiar fragrance. Ayana, that was her perfume.

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