Eating a What? — Rachel Being Chatty

There’s no point to eating a human. You’re just going to get hungry again in an hour. That, and around 30 years in prison.

via Eating a What? — Rachel Being Chatty





New Rooster

A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, “OK, old fart, time to retire.”

The old rooster replies, “Come on, you can’t handle ALL these chickens. Look what it’s done to me. Can’t you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?”

The young rooster says, “Beat it! You’re washed up and I’m taking over.”

The old rooster says “I’ll tell you what, young stud, I’ll race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop.”

The young rooster laughs, “You know you don’t stand a chance old man, so just to be fair, I’ll give you a head start.”

The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off after him. They round the front of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He’s already about 5 inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast.

The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by, one right behind the other. He grabs his shotgun and BOOM! — he blows the young rooster to bits.

The farmer sadly shakes his head, “Damn…third gay rooster I’ve bought this month.”


Joke of the Day: All Smiles

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on
their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened.

“First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to
his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector”, says the Coroner.

“Second body: “Scotsman, 25, won a thousand dollars on the lottery,
spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile.”

The Inspector asked, “What of the third body?”

“Ah,” says the coroner, “this is the most unusual one.
Billy-Bob the redneck from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning.”

“Why is he smiling then?” inquires the Inspector.

“Thought he was having his picture taken.”

Joke of the Day: Who is Stupid

One day a college professor of Psychology was greeting his new college class.

He stood up in front of the class and said, “Would everyone who thinks he or she is stupid please stand up?”

After a minute or so of silence, a young man stood up.

“Well, hello there sir. So you actually think you’re a moron?” the professor asked.

The kid replied, “No sir, I just didn’t want to see you standing there all by yourself.”

Joke of The Day : Size Envy

A man was in an accident and his penis was chopped off. He was
rushed to the hospital where the doctor examined him, and after
careful examination said, “We can replace it with a small size
for $2,000, a medium size for $5,000, or an extra-large size
for $10,000. I realize it’s a lot of money, so take your time
and talk it over with your wife.”

When the doctor came back into the room he found the man staring
sadly at the floor.

“We’ve decided,” the man told him as he choked back tears.
“My wife says she’d rather have a new kitchen!”


Joke of the Day: Alcohol Warnings

Due to increasing products liability litigation, American
liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA’s suggestion that the following
warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are
whispering when you are not.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing
like a idiot.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what
the hell happened to your bra.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your
friends over and over again that you love them.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-
lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning..

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can
logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have
Mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your butt kicked.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in
the morning and see something really scary.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of
Inexplicable rug burns on the forehead, knees and lower back.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that
you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are
invisible or worse bulletproof.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people
are laughing WITH you.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the
time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to literally

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
WARNING: the consumption of alcohol may Mack you tink you can tipe
real gude.

Flesh Blankets and Pantless Girls

By Damien Knight

“A flesh blanket the prefered blanket of serial killers.”

I joked last night. Isn’t it strange the weird things people think and say. My daughter inherited my odd sense of humor. She oft says odd stuff too. My favourite is when she declared 

“Jay, come run with a pantless woman. ”

She was wearing a dress. 

I wonder if my family, my sisters and I growing up, had internet if the world would have been shocked. I was raised in odd humor after all. They do say sarcasm and swearing are the language of the intelligent. Anyway thats my random musing for the day.