False Faces – The Mirror

I love the pain, the raging self hate
It burns like anger, the scratches
Along this face, screaming in the mirror
I love the pain, I cry as I tear
At my hair, pound fists to glass
When will I feel sane
Love who I am again
I stab the skin, claw the strange flesh
Wash this face that I can’t replace
Scream, who is she, staring back at me
I love the pain, the agony
The misery of the man
I will never truly be
When will I see myself reflected back at me?

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Fighting to Live

Curse the daylight which illuminates
The dark recesses of my mind.
How I long for eternal rest!
My soul unable to escape my self-hate.

Who can stand a man of such despair?
To end the joke that is my life
Would be the most pertinent thing to do!
Close my eyes and die! It’s only fair!

Yet here I am living, as I must!
Fighting the demons plaguing my existence.
Ever lingering, they drown me!
Who is there? Is there a love I can trust?

Yesterday was International Transgender Day of visibility. I posted on my personal facebook about it but nothing on the blog. This poem and another I am working on addresses the emotions I have gone through as I have transitioned. The suicide rate for trans people is much higher than the general population and I am no stranger to the desire to die yet here I am ALIVE! Many never make it so not only do I wish to present myself as a visible trans person I wish to remember those who have passed either from suicide or murdered. Let us celebrate, let us grieve and let us live and love just as everyone else.

Want to help with transition costs? Donate here : The Shadow’s Journey

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Unreal Face

At day’s end who am I?
A wanderer? A poet? Artist?
I am a lost soul painting
On the canvas of the heart
Word are my colours, imagery
These stories faded memories

Who am I really?
A broken dreamer, unreal
Hoping to be so

When the day comes I find me
Starimg back in the bathroom mirror
I might seek to love again
Who is she? that face isn’t me
the void is such a constant misery
I know with time i’ll be free

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