Eternal Rage

When my rage builds like the bursting flame
Shattered through my veins like glass
Glittering painful cutting my soul,
Hoarded deep the surface rage Continue reading

After a Week off Meds You won’t Believe This!

So the world has been chaotic and a pandemic has struck, I have not written in this entire time a proper thought out blog post. I mean a lot has been happening. I been learning so much about myself since I told everyone here that I am in fact Autistic.

In 2011 I was diagnosed with epilepsy and I thought for sure that explained other symptoms I had been having for many years. Dizzy spells when standing, fainting climbing stairs, you know must be seizures?

When I learned my PDD – NOS diagnosis was an autism diagnosis I joined a great facebook community: “Sounds like you should ask an Autistic, but ok” and, “I’m Autistic and I’m gonna kick someone’s ass.”

There I met a wonderful person who I respect greatly and who talked me through my most horrifying experience at that time…I thought I had a heart attack last July. I was shopping for cat food in a local store and bent over and bam my arm hurt my chest burned and tensed and my vision blurred. I went to the ER my blood pressure was OUTRAGEOUS 198\ 113. Funny no days when I go in and doctor takes it i’m not as shocked anymore. Like last night it was 138/102. That day i was SHOCKED. I had only seen my blood pressure be low not high like that.

My new friend and the group members of those two groups helped me connect this event to something I had never considered before. The constant dehydration and need to drink was not onset of diabetes… I might have POTS.

A year later I have learned my blood pressure fluctuates, my heart rate is fast and I match many post symptoms. I am also back on all the meds I need to be on except for proper meds for POTS, though my doctor does have me on a beta blocker. I am back on seizure meds, back on Adderall for ADHD, I am still on thyroid meds and I am back on testosterone. I also have my asthma meds yay me!

So now we are at where I tell you why the click bait title. With a global pandemic and me being a disabled asthmatic getting meds isn’t always easy. Last week I had no meds, no adderall or depakote anyway. So for a week I went without Seizure medicines and I began to slowly have seizures again. Well last Thursday I was able to get all my meds and I start taking them over the weekend. Still having problems and I was not 100 percent yesterday but I felt “better”.

I mean sure it was raining, but my kids all wished me “Happy Father’s Day”. I was given new hedge trimmers and I had a lot of gardening I been wanting to do. Sun finally came out it was warm and dry…. I turn on the hedge trimmers and in a moment and I don’t know how it happened I sliced my middle finger. Anyway the answer to “How is Damien doing?” Eh at least I still have a middle finger!

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Update: Well Crap there is a pandemic…

Greetings page followers. short update. laptop has been in shop for some time and it is difficult to write posts aside from short poems on my phone. This does not mean I am completely silent. I have posts on my Instagram and our Facebook pages!

Current events.

The shadow lair family supports Black Lives Matter movement and stand in solidarity with them in this time.

We are self isolating until a vaccine is found for corona virus

Please follow us on Facebook Shade of writing page for other news and events.


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Who?

What shade of me am I today
am I light, childish and mewing
Dark, ancient, and brooding
Am I the educated Geologist?
Or the observant parent?
Am I the myrid of diagnosis
That dot my chart?
I am simply… Damien

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Mine

longing to whisper the name on lips
untainted by false conversations
Anika goddess of time abide me
Sora my stormy moon fly to me
No my darling Sakura tree
I know it can never be

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Nightmare

I dream of empty spaces
rooms vast and void
no faces
an endless sea of agony

I dream of dark despair
no light to find for me
The people do not care
that others outside dying

Wake us please
I no longer wish to dream
the nightmare the disease
is callousness of men

Forget Me

A shadows pain in icy vein
Doth carve the shallow path
Down the road with no redemption
Is this sweet death at last
Alas tis not, we the dark eternal
Live forever pulsing crystal beats
Within our chest as if a heart
Everlasting carries the memories
Let us crush the stone, a curse
May we forget who we were once more

The Darker Days Behind Me

A torrent of words meant only for my sorrow
Why then? does one not know the dreams?
entertain not idle fantasy, Sora the illusion
Ignore and chase nothing for reality is here
In fire and air Aldra and Kyra ignite
but me i exist in boring monotony
I fought the dark the void of mind
India’s maiden returns like dashed hope unkind
A dreary storm for stronger men
A monsoon my soul it rends
why be sad when joy abounds
I have a love yes more than one around
sweet beloved spouse of mine
and lady Sora in dreams to find
when I need compassion to plead
I can lean on my pet my dear Kitty
Not alone yet solitary not deluded no
I fight the dark with these
plead I then to ask why remind me?

Void King


A world cold empty vain
void king deserves no name
Lost in ice forever cold
Bury now this decrepit soul


Cold as ice the wandering
Ever doth my heart to break
Will for me a maiden sing
Alas that siren no joy bring

No warmth in heart or hearth
No fire to light my joys
Am I broken still?
That my pen bleeds ill?

Nay I look to those I love
Even as I am numb
I am their void king, friend
In them my heart can mend

Alone

I try to break the chains
Tight around me
Suffacting my will to write
Erasing my drive for poetry

Is there no romance?
Passionate emotions linger
Do I have nothing
My words a bee with no stinger

I cannot find my soul
Mired in my despair
For all the love in the world
I am alone and none care