I Want: A Journal Written 2003

By Damien Knight

I wrote this in 2003. I had followed a path others choose rather than my true dream. I have as you all know returned to my true desire of being a palaeontologist. Also, any commentary will be in italics.

When I was young, I had big dreams.  I wanted to be a palaeontologist. I still have big dreams. I want to be an author, a teacher, and a missionary.

I have continued pursuing being an author. I write daily for this blog. I realised I did not wish to teach. Mission work is for those of faith, I am not such to rely heavy in faith.

I want to graduate high school. I want to go to Honor Academy and a college that will take me to my goal.

I choose Western Kentucky University to become a teacher. I am glad I did I met people who helped me realise I needed to pursue science. I am glad I did not choose Honor Academy.

I want to say I made it. That they were wrong, I can do this. Maybe I haven’t done it yet, but I am trying. The first time someone said I should publish my work I was shocked. He said I should send my writings to a publisher. I will do just that. Tragic this same person told me that I never succeeded at anything. I’ll show everyone I can do it.

I want freedom. I want to be as free as a bird. I still do. To think about it though when one goose is shot another follows to see if it’s ok. A song bird sings when its mate dies. Even birds have responsibilities, yet they seem so care free.

Of course, I wanted free. I lived in a psych facility most of my teen years.

I want to be like a wolf. Wolves are like people. They live in packs with their families. They mate for life. The omega wolf is the babysitter. The mother raises her young well. They are free. The alpha wolf is the lead of the family bringing everything in balance.

I want stability. I want change. We can learn a lot from animals on how we should live. Care for our families, sing when we grieve, be empathetic. Loyal like a dog, independent like a cat. That is how I want to be.

It’s interesting looking back at these. Did I meet the expectations of 17-year-old me? Am I the person I hoped I would be. Honest I feel I did better than younger me ever expected. I had high goals and I am on my way to them.

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