Joke of the Day: Alcohol Warnings

Due to increasing products liability litigation, American
liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA’s suggestion that the following
warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are
whispering when you are not.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing
like a idiot.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what
the hell happened to your bra.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your
friends over and over again that you love them.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can
sing.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-
lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning..

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can
logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have
Mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your butt kicked.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in
the morning and see something really scary.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of
Inexplicable rug burns on the forehead, knees and lower back.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that
you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are
invisible or worse bulletproof.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people
are laughing WITH you.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the
time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to literally
disappear.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
WARNING: the consumption of alcohol may Mack you tink you can tipe
real gude.

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