Wow, so here we are, my own real web page and our first real blog. Where to start? I have been writing for years, I used to keep an active blog on Myspace. Does anybody remember Myspace? Shesh, I am old right. After that, I got a Live Journal, I admit no one ever read that but not because I wasn’t interesting. I barely ever posted. I always kept a journal growing up, too. My first “diary” I was eleven. I loved writing, would write stories and poetry as a kid.
We have started The Shade of Writing as a Shadow’s Lair family venture. The Shadow’s Lair Family is a family of two dads and two kids, not to unusual. We love to travel, and will post about our travels, everyday lives, fantasy writings, and just a general hodgepodge of things. We also have a goal to one day own a family farm and shop. We will use this blog to update our progress on this goal. For those of you who found this after following the Shadow’s Lair for years, thank you for your continued support. If this is your first time reading our writing, welcome and thank you. Feel free to follow us on Patreon.
Left to Right Cera, Jayson, Damien, Aaron, 2011 Maryland Hiking trip
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If you wondered what happened to The Shadow, wonder no more. I have been working on World Anvil summer camp prompts. You can visit my World Anvil world Lysandus here: https://www.worldanvil.com/w/lysandus-korakisaros I also been doing Camp Nano.
I know I promised a monthly post, but it is not feasible during Nano’s. I also had my laptop go back to the shop, which complicates blogging further.
So I am sure you may have noticed that I missed last months Motivational Monday Post. If not, well now you know I had. While I was eager and ready to write I could not, due to my laptop being in the shop.
Today’s quick unofficial motivation is to remember radical acceptance of yourself, but also to radically accept others around you. We all think differently, but we all are human. My official Monday Motivation will be on handling emotions and hopefully posted by next Monday.
“You can do anything you set your mind to.” You may have heard this phrase in some variation throughout your life. It’s that “go get’em tiger, you got this,” quintessential positive attitude that permeates American culture. (I cannot speak for outside the U.S.) This sentiment might seem like a positive message, in reality it keeps you producing while hoping to attain unreachable goals.
Normally I write motivational pieces for Motivation Monday, but this month I decided we need to talk about internalized ableism. I will preface this with the fact that I am disabled. I am an autistic male who also has pots and is epileptic. I walk with a cane on most days. I also am asthmatic and ADHD. These are all disabilities. This topic is important, not just because it applies to me though, many of you will know someone who is disabled. Let’s begin.
What is radical acceptance? The other day one of my best friends said in a chat group, “People really need to learn to radically accept their disabilities.” This prompted another person to say something about not having heard of it, which confused us because our whole chat was a bunch of people who radically accepted they were disabled. Some of us were doing so, it seems, with no idea what the word for it was.
For me, failure was always hard to accept. With NPD, nothing less than being seen as perfect was ok. The problem was nothing I did felt like success. I often felt my failures made me a bad person. That my many mistakes meant I could never succeed and then I had to remind myself of my favourite childhood quote from Paul “Bear” Bryant:
“When you make a mistake, there are only three things you should ever do about it:
1. Admit it.
2. Learn from it, and
3. Don’t repeat it.”
Mistakes didn’t mean I was bad, just that I should learn from them. It was ok not to know things; it was ok to have failure. Failure and mistakes are part of learning. It is part of the experience. As Adam Savage said, “Failure is always an option.” Being able to accept this option though took me some work.
I had to reframe my failure as a success. That each time I made a mistake, I really was on track to succeed. My failures aren’t failures, really. When I messed up, I simply just made another step to success.
Striving to be perfect does not bring the admiration I desire. Being able to fail with grace, to be successful and admit my failings is not a bad thing. I do not think my mistakes make me a failure or a bad person. When I mess up, I learn from that and move on. It is ok to make mistakes.
Failure is an option. Your mistakes are steps to success. They are not dark marks that make you a bad person. Learn from them, use them to grow and keep on staying motivated.
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