Wow, so here we are, my own real web page and our first real blog. Where to start? I have been writing for years, I used to keep an active blog on Myspace. Does anybody remember Myspace? Shesh, I am old right. After that, I got a Live Journal, I admit no one ever read that but not because I wasn’t interesting. I barely ever posted. I always kept a journal growing up, too. My first “diary” I was eleven. I loved writing, would write stories and poetry as a kid.
We have started The Shade of Writing as a Shadow’s Lair family venture. The Shadow’s Lair Family is a family of two dads and two kids, not to unusual. We love to travel, and will post about our travels, everyday lives, fantasy writings, and just a general hodgepodge of things. We also have a goal to one day own a family farm and shop. We will use this blog to update our progress on this goal. For those of you who found this after following the Shadow’s Lair for years, thank you for your continued support. If this is your first time reading our writing, welcome and thank you. Feel free to follow us on Patreon.
Left to Right Cera, Jayson, Damien, Aaron, 2011 Maryland Hiking trip
Want me to re-blog your content? For just 3 dollars we will do just that!
“You can do anything you set your mind to.” You may have heard this phrase in some variation throughout your life. It’s that “go get’em tiger, you got this,” quintessential positive attitude that permeates American culture. (I cannot speak for outside the U.S.) This sentiment might seem like a positive message, in reality it keeps you producing while hoping to attain unreachable goals.
Normally I write motivational pieces for Motivation Monday, but this month I decided we need to talk about internalized ableism. I will preface this with the fact that I am disabled. I am an autistic male who also has pots and is epileptic. I walk with a cane on most days. I also am asthmatic and ADHD. These are all disabilities. This topic is important, not just because it applies to me though, many of you will know someone who is disabled. Let’s begin.
What is radical acceptance? The other day one of my best friends said in a chat group, “People really need to learn to radically accept their disabilities.” This prompted another person to say something about not having heard of it, which confused us because our whole chat was a bunch of people who radically accepted they were disabled. Some of us were doing so, it seems, with no idea what the word for it was.
For me, failure was always hard to accept. With NPD, nothing less than being seen as perfect was ok. The problem was nothing I did felt like success. I often felt my failures made me a bad person. That my many mistakes meant I could never succeed and then I had to remind myself of my favourite childhood quote from Paul “Bear” Bryant:
“When you make a mistake, there are only three things you should ever do about it:
1. Admit it.
2. Learn from it, and
3. Don’t repeat it.”
Mistakes didn’t mean I was bad, just that I should learn from them. It was ok not to know things; it was ok to have failure. Failure and mistakes are part of learning. It is part of the experience. As Adam Savage said, “Failure is always an option.” Being able to accept this option though took me some work.
I had to reframe my failure as a success. That each time I made a mistake, I really was on track to succeed. My failures aren’t failures, really. When I messed up, I simply just made another step to success.
Striving to be perfect does not bring the admiration I desire. Being able to fail with grace, to be successful and admit my failings is not a bad thing. I do not think my mistakes make me a failure or a bad person. When I mess up, I learn from that and move on. It is ok to make mistakes.
Failure is an option. Your mistakes are steps to success. They are not dark marks that make you a bad person. Learn from them, use them to grow and keep on staying motivated.
I will return to posting regularly on this blog, though for myself I will only post the Monday Motivations. I shall have the posts first thing Monday mornings CST time. My children will post stories and art when they can.
I also have or will take down all the Aldaria posts as I finalize my novel. I found the subscriber feature to the blog to be unusable. I do not wish to have the Aldaria work posted publicly at this time, though I may in the future.
Promotion and Goals for Shadow’s Lair and The Shade of Writing
We also opened a CafePress store: The Shadow’s Lair Store. We post weekly on YouTube, which you can find here: The Shadow’s Lair Finally, we have a Patreon and will post family vlog posts with early access for patrons. Also, all Aldaria writings will be available to patrons.
To Our Fans: Thank You
Thank you for remaining with us all these years. If you like what we do, remember to follow our blog, like and subscribe, and support us on Patreon
Greetings readers and friends. Every year I usually post my Thankfuls during November and my New Year Resolutions on New Year’s Eve. As most of you know, this year I lost several family to non-Covid related illnesses. It was difficult to find things I was thankful for while I grieved so many losses in such a short time. It has been difficult to think of things I would resolve to do in the coming year as well.
While this is late, I wish to give my short list of Thankfuls now:
I am grateful that I got to see Mum as often as I had before she passed. I am grateful that we did as much as we could to make her last years better.
I am grateful for my family. For being able to have them close to me.
I am grateful for all of you who have kept following me through the years.
Now for my New Year’s resolutions:
To post a regular schedule of blog posts at least twice a week.
To finish editing my novel by December 2021
To post 1 vlog post a week with family this year.
To organize and input grades during homeschooling time every day.
I am a writer who often dawdles (wastes time). So here I am, procrastinating by talking about organization, writing tips, teaching writing tips, and other random things to keep up my writing habits, when I should be writing my novel, and here you are, dawdling as well. C'mon in and join me for some dawdling (and pretending we're not).