A New Light, A New Day

Wow, so here we are, my own real web page and our first real blog. Where to start? I have been writing for years, I used to keep an active blog on Myspace. Does anybody remember Myspace? Shesh, I am old right. After that, I got a Live Journal, I admit no one ever read that but not because I wasn’t interesting. I barely ever posted. I always kept a journal growing up, too. My first “diary” I was eleven. I loved writing, would write stories and poetry as a kid.
We have started The Shade of Writing as a Shadow’s Lair family venture. The Shadow’s Lair Family is a family of two dads and two kids, not to unusual. We love to travel, and will post about our travels, everyday lives, fantasy writings, and just a general hodgepodge of things. We also have a goal to one day own a family farm and shop. We will use this blog to update our progress on this goal. For those of you who found this after following the Shadow’s Lair for years, thank you for your continued support. If this is your first time reading our writing, welcome and thank you. Feel free to follow us on Patreon.

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Left to Right Cera, Jayson, Damien, Aaron, 2011 Maryland Hiking trip

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After a Week off Meds You won’t Believe This!

So the world has been chaotic and a pandemic has struck, I have not written in this entire time a proper thought out blog post. I mean a lot has been happening. I been learning so much about myself since I told everyone here that I am in fact Autistic.

In 2011 I was diagnosed with epilepsy and I thought for sure that explained other symptoms I had been having for many years. Dizzy spells when standing, fainting climbing stairs, you know must be seizures?

When I learned my PDD – NOS diagnosis was an autism diagnosis I joined a great facebook community: “Sounds like you should ask an Autistic, but ok” and, “I’m Autistic and I’m gonna kick someone’s ass.”

There I met a wonderful person who I respect greatly and who talked me through my most horrifying experience at that time…I thought I had a heart attack last July. I was shopping for cat food in a local store and bent over and bam my arm hurt my chest burned and tensed and my vision blurred. I went to the ER my blood pressure was OUTRAGEOUS 198\ 113. Funny no days when I go in and doctor takes it i’m not as shocked anymore. Like last night it was 138/102. That day i was SHOCKED. I had only seen my blood pressure be low not high like that.

My new friend and the group members of those two groups helped me connect this event to something I had never considered before. The constant dehydration and need to drink was not onset of diabetes… I might have POTS.

A year later I have learned my blood pressure fluctuates, my heart rate is fast and I match many post symptoms. I am also back on all the meds I need to be on except for proper meds for POTS, though my doctor does have me on a beta blocker. I am back on seizure meds, back on Adderall for ADHD, I am still on thyroid meds and I am back on testosterone. I also have my asthma meds yay me!

So now we are at where I tell you why the click bait title. With a global pandemic and me being a disabled asthmatic getting meds isn’t always easy. Last week I had no meds, no adderall or depakote anyway. So for a week I went without Seizure medicines and I began to slowly have seizures again. Well last Thursday I was able to get all my meds and I start taking them over the weekend. Still having problems and I was not 100 percent yesterday but I felt “better”.

I mean sure it was raining, but my kids all wished me “Happy Father’s Day”. I was given new hedge trimmers and I had a lot of gardening I been wanting to do. Sun finally came out it was warm and dry…. I turn on the hedge trimmers and in a moment and I don’t know how it happened I sliced my middle finger. Anyway the answer to “How is Damien doing?” Eh at least I still have a middle finger!

Update

Greetings page followers. short update. laptop has been in shop for some time and it is difficult to write posts aside from short poems on my phone. This does not mean i am completely silent. I have posts on my instagram and our facebook pages!

Current events.

The shadow lair family supports Black Lives Matter movement and stand in solidarity with them in this time.

We are self isolating until a vaccine is found for corona virus

Please follow us on facebook Shade of writing page for other news and events.

Nightmare

I dream of empty spaces
rooms vast and void
no faces
an endless sea of agony

I dream of dark despair
no light to find for me
The people do not care
that others outside dying

Wake us please
I no longer wish to dream
the nightmare the disease
is callousness of men

Forget Me

A shadows pain in icy vein
Doth carve the shallow path
Down the road with no redemption
Is this sweet death at last
Alas tis not, we the dark eternal
Live forever pulsing crystal beats
Within our chest as if a heart
Everlasting carries the memories
Let us crush the stone, a curse
May we forget who we were once more

The Darker Days Behind Me

A torrent of words meant only for my sorrow
Why then? does one not know the dreams?
entertain not idle fantasy, Sora the illusion
Ignore and chase nothing for reality is here
In fire and air Aldra and Kyra ignite
but me i exist in boring monotony
I fought the dark the void of mind
India’s maiden returns like dashed hope unkind
A dreary storm for stronger men
A monsoon my soul it rends
why be sad when joy abounds
I have a love yes more than one around
sweet beloved spouse of mine
and lady Sora in dreams to find
when I need compassion to plead
I can lean on my pet my dear Kitty
Not alone yet solitary not deluded no
I fight the dark with these
plead I then to ask why remind me?

Void King


A world cold empty vain
void king deserves no name
Lost in ice forever cold
Bury now this decrepit soul


Cold as ice the wandering
Ever doth my heart to break
Will for me a maiden sing
Alas that siren no joy bring

No warmth in heart or hearth
No fire to light my joys
Am I broken still?
That my pen bleeds ill?

Nay I look to those I love
Even as I am numb
I am their void king, friend
In them my heart can mend

Alone

I try to break the chains
Tight around me
Suffacting my will to write
Erasing my drive for poetry

Is there no romance?
Passionate emotions linger
Do I have nothing
My words a bee with no stinger

I cannot find my soul
Mired in my despair
For all the love in the world
I am alone and none care

Diagnostic Criteria For NPD and Narcissistic Abuse

NPD is a cluster B personality disorder with symptoms that cause the NPDer distress and affects their lives and relationships. A simple google search of NPD can make a person who suspects they have this personality disorder feel hopeless and reject seeking help. With articles such as “How to Recognize a Malignant Narcissist” or “How to identify a narcissist- and cope with their toxic behavior” how can one not want to keep the fact they might be a “narcissist” secret.
The issue is a misunderstanding of the disorder. In forums you can see people saying, “To be diagnosed with NPD they must be abusive,” or “being abusive is pretty much built into this disorder’s criteria.” NPD Or Narcissistic personality disorder as according to the DSM -V is diagnosed under these criteria in the DSM-V:

“The essential features of a personality disorder are impairments in personality (self and interpersonal) functioning and the presence of pathological personality traits. To diagnose narcissistic personality disorder, the following criteria must be met:

A. Significant impairments in personality functioning manifest by:
1. Impairments in self functioning (a or b):
a. Identity: Excessive reference to others for self-definition and self-esteem regulation; exaggerated self-appraisal may be inflated or deflated or vacillate between extremes; emotional regulation mirrors fluctuations in self-esteem.
b. Self-direction: Goal-setting is based on gaining approval from others; personal standards are unreasonably high in order to see oneself as exceptional, or too low based on a sense of entitlement; often unaware of own motivations.

AND

2. Impairments in interpersonal functioning (a or b):
a. Empathy: Impaired ability to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others; excessively attuned to reactions of others, but only if perceived as relevant to self; over- or underestimate of own effect on others.
b. Intimacy: Relationships largely superficial and exist to serve self-esteem regulation; mutuality constrained by little genuine interest in others‟ experiences and predominance of a need for personal gain

B. Pathological personality traits in the following domain:

1. Antagonism, characterized by:
a. Grandiosity: Feelings of entitlement, either overt or covert; self-centeredness; firmly holding to the belief that one is better than others; condescending toward others.
b. Attention seeking: Excessive attempts to attract and be the focus of the attention of others; admiration seeking.

C. The impairments in personality functioning and the individual’s personality trait expression are relatively stable across time and consistent across situations.

D. The impairments in personality functioning and the individual’s personality trait expression are not better understood as normative for the individual’s developmental stage or socio-cultural environment.

E. The impairments in personality functioning and the individual’s personality trait expression are not solely due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (e.g., a drug of abuse, medication) or a general medical condition (e.g., severe head trauma)” (DSM-V)

Notice this diagnostic sheet does not say “must be abusive.” Those with NPD often suffer from extreme trauma in childhood. Many also suffer C-PTSD and have low self-esteem. NPD is not a disorder that requires abuse for diagnosis.

The other thing to notice is that this symptom sheet isn’t like what you see online. That’s because websites such as mayo clinic list criteria in this sort manner:


• Have an exaggerated sense of self-importance
• Have a sense of entitlement and require constant, excessive admiration
• Expect to be recognized as superior even without achievements that warrant it
• Exaggerate achievements and talents
• Be preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate
• Believe they are superior and can only associate with equally special people
• Monopolize conversations and belittle or look down on people they perceive as inferior
• Expect special favors and unquestioning compliance with their expectations
• Take advantage of others to get what they want
• Have an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others
• Be envious of others and believe others envy them
• Behave in an arrogant or haughty manner, coming across as conceited, boastful and pretentious
• Insist on having the best of everything — for instance, the best car or office”
(Mayo Clinic, 2020)

Not only does this list seem to demonize NPD it seems vastly different from the actual criteria. This is because most articles are using the DSM IV for their diagnostic criteria. It reads:

“A. A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

1. Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements).

2. Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.

3. Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions).

4. Requires excessive admiration.

5. Has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations.

6. Is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends.

7. Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others.

8. Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her.

9. Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes.” (DSM-IV)

Even in the more demonizing DSM-IV criteria it does not say “is abusive,” as criteria for NPD. When people say, “NPD means you are inherently abusive,” they are saying that being “exploitive, entitled, having lack of empathy, and envious” are abusive and seeing as this is a personality disorder that claim is ableist. None of those behaviours are inherently abusive. Just because you know someone with NPD that was abusive does not mean it is required for diagnosis. If someone tells you must be abusive feel free to link here.

 


References:

Association, A. P. (2012). DSM-IV and DSM-5 Criteria for the Personality Disorders. Retrieved January 23, 2020, from https://www.nyu.edu/gsas/dept/philo/courses/materials/Narc.Pers.DSM.pdf
Staff, M. C. (2017, November 18). Narcissistic personality disorder. Retrieved January 23, 2020, from https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/narcissistic-personality-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20366662?fbclid=IwAR1kVF76IODMbR6hJ2EL5vv1DUAzlI8Xv41khnZHvYqBRehTdvnwCOp4tqE